Today we are very fortunate to be able to offer to you the writing of a guest author Michael Blanco.
You’ve asked me: “How have you been able to overcome your past feelings of anger and sorrow?” Well there are many facets of my life that I have worked on through the years, but one life passage in particular may provide a portal to the answer you seek. And although there was discomfort and pain during this experience, the results were that I was able to finally embrace the fact that it is ok to love myself and accept that I am truly deserving of happiness. I hope that this page from my life journal will encourage you to explore some of your own thoughts of forgiveness and help you toward the process of healing
First let me introduce you to one of my most wonderful teachers. Many years ago, I had a relationship with a woman who was raised by a father that was emotionally abusive to her. Childhood memories of that abuse plagued our relationship from the very beginning and prevented it from ever being nourished. Those emotional barriers also prevented any potential for growth. An innocent word or action by me would trigger a memory from her past and she would snap…propelling her into moods of rage, sadness or fear, and then just as suddenly, withdraw emotionally for days. As a young man during that time, I did not have the life experiences or emotional tools to cope with these trials, let alone aid her. I myself was trying to deal with my own Pandora’s Box of dysfunction. So after much adversity, breakups, reconciliations and many more relapses, we went our separate ways. I was comforted to know that year’s later; professional therapy brought healing, forgiveness and closure to her painful past.
Well that little story brings me to share my own belief… that the coming to consciousness will be made possible only through the forgiveness of your parents. Whether you like it or not, your mother has been your primary image of an adult woman, and your father the primary image of an adult man. If you continue to hold a grievance against your mother, you may not be able to escape self-condemnation during your own growth toward womanhood. And, if you continue to hold a grievance against your father; you may not be able to escape the projection of guilt onto any man who may later come into your life, as what had happened with me. These possibilities may just make you realize that you cannot justify all the hurt you are currently experiencing inside.
Now hopefully, at a certain point in your life, you can and will make the choice to forgive. I was once told that healing occurs in the present, not in the past. And at this moment you being unable to forgive is not being held back by the love you did not receive in the past. It seems it is being held back by the love you are unable to extend in the present.
There is a lot of talk these days about growing up within a dysfunctional home and family and I ask you, who within your inner circle did not grow up in a dysfunctional environment? Look at your world today and you will notice that the times have changed and we all interpret the meaning of normality quite differently. Thank goodness in my case, the fun was never taken out of dysfunction.
I trust that there is nothing that you have been through, seen or done, that cannot be used to make your life more valuable now. You can grow from any experience and you can transcend from any experience. Or, you can stay stagnant with the feeling of pain and anger. Forgiveness remains the only path that leads out of our present hell, whether you can forgive your father, mother or yourself, the laws of this universe have been clear for eons and remain the same. As you love yourself, you shall be released from pain and have no impossibilities. As you deny love, you shall remain in pain, your life empty and your loss greater. To know forgiveness, compassion and patience is to know self love.
I believe you will always be someone’s little girl, so seek to forgive and there will always be a path and a light within to lead you home.
Living on the rugged coast of the Pacific, Michael found the perfect canvas to paint his words. With an un-filtered eye and his beloved twinflame by his side, he makes an attempt to share these brief brush strokes of life, innocence and wonderment. This personal website is dedicated to one man’s collection of stories, letters and prose inspired by the love for his best friends, enduring life passages, his exploration within and the beauty of our natural wonderlands. Enjoy!