Establishing healthy boundaries is how we define the sacred space we call “self”. The more clear we are about who we are, the more clear our boundaries become.
But the opposite is also true.
The more clear our boundaries are, the more clarity we achieve as to who we are as a person.
So how do we first define, and then establish, effective boundaries? It is important to be clear that a boundary is not a wall. Walls are rejecting. They are designed to keep someone or something out of our lives.
In other words, walls tend to push people away and significantly limit the relationship we have with them.
Walls tend to cause ourselves and others pain and suffering because they are too often built out of the rocks of judgment and the mortar of rejection.
A healthy boundary on the other hand is simply a non-reactive response to the persons and events we encounter in our day to day environment.
Boundaries are non-reactive in the sense that we don’t have to be angry, rigid, controlling, or defensive. We simply have to communicate clearly who we are….and who we are not. What we will allow in our lives and what we won’t.
Unlike a wall, boundaries get built a little section at a time as we become more and more self-aware.
Our personal boundaries are never finished or static and they should never be defined as being right or wrong, either by ourselves or others.
Personal boundaries always allow for healthy relationships and thus require that we pay careful attention to our feelings and emotions. In other words, because healthy boundaries define, first to ourselves and then to others, who we are and what we are willing to comfortably allow into our personal space, they always require us to be intentionally self-reflective and self-aware…..to listen and honor that quiet voice inside that always speaks the truth to us as we journey on our life path.
|Boundaries in Human Relationships: How to Be Separate and Connected
by Anne Linden tells you how to use your ultimate resource, boundaries, in your personal and professional life.This book delves deeply into not only the meaning but the practical skills and tools necessary to use boundaries to your advantage using real life examples and exercises.