What are Personal Boundaries?
A healthy personal boundary is always well defined and has clearly stated consequences as to what will happen if others cross or ignore the “self” boundaries we have established.
What is a Consequence?
A consequence simply says, “If you cross the boundary I have established, this is what will happen.” Boundaries can be gentle; for example, “If you get up after six thirty in the morning you will have to make your own breakfast.” Boundaries can also be very firm: for example, “If you continue to be verbally abusive, our relationship will have to end”.
We must always remember the basic rule of establishing healthy boundaries; if there is no consequence, then there is no boundary.
Consequences are not in themselves aggressive, controlling or hurtful. It is important to remind ourselves that we are always giving others a choice. They have permission to enter our sacred space, but only if they are willing to acknowledge and honor our boundaries and accept the consequences we have established.
People who are abusive do not like boundaries. It makes them angry. They would rather treat others as objects. It is very important to remember; a chair cannot establish a boundary; only persons have that ability.