Time To Find New Friends?- Insights from the Wilderness #172



Time To Find New FriendsDo your friends share your values? Are they enthusiastic, encouraging and openly supportive of who you are; your dreams; and your goals?

Do they have a positive attitude about their own life? Are their dreams big enough to make a difference in the world? Are they committed to adding value to the lives of those around them? Or do they tend to be a bit self-focused?

The reality is some people are generators of positive energy, and some people tend to absorb the life energy of those around them. It is important to pay attention to the people we call our friends; the people we share so much of our life with.

If our goal in life is to follow our dreams, live out our life purpose, and make a difference in the world, we will need to surround ourselves with people who generate energy. Stated simply, it might be time to think about changing some of our friends.

I know from experience how difficult this life change can be. Many years ago I found myself struggling with a lack of meaning in my life. I was depressed and my life felt empty. Getting up in the morning meant going through all the motions of living another day while struggling to live what I believed was my life purpose—-offering the world a new way to understand human developmental theory through the lens and worldview of Primitive Ego Psychology.

I was convinced that we could change how we evolve our human consciousness if we could learn to remove the ego “rocks” that limit our spiritual growth: the “rocks” that create unhappiness, kill our dreams, and keep the light of our essential self from shinning into the world. Paradoxically I was working to create happiness and meaning in the lives of others, but I was definitely not very happy with my own life.

My unhappiness and lack of energy continued until the day I read a quote that said “we are responsible for the life we have created for ourselves”. I fully believed that simple reality and I thought that I had taken responsibility to create the life I was dreaming about; the dream and vision I was working so hard to create. What turned on the light for me that day was the second half of the quote; the “but” part………“but we will rarely be more than the ‘average’ of the friends we hang out with”.

As I thought about those words, I realized that many of the people I called my “friends” at that time were unable to offer me the positive energy and encouragement I needed to keep moving toward my dreams. They were not bad people. They simply drew down my energy and encouraged me to shrink my worldview down to the size of the world they were choosing to embrace—-dreaming dreams that felt too small for me, and too self-focused.

I began to awaken to the realization I needed to gently disengage from those “friends” and begin to build relationships and friendships with energy generating people that were working on their own big dreams; dreams that would add value to the lives of others.

It was a very difficult transition in my life. I felt sad and more than a little lonely at times. But as I began to connect with people who themselves had large visions and dreams for their own life, the supportive encouragement, and positive energy, that had been missing in my life was no longer a problem. Regardless of how big the dreams are that I share with my friends today, I know and trust that they will always encourage me to dream even bigger.


If we want to pursue our life purpose, and those bigger dreams that energize our life, we need to surround ourselves with people who affirm our vision with positive feedback; people who openly encourage us to dream even bigger than we have ever dared to dream. When we do, the average of the people we share our life with will help us grow and energize our own dreams. As we grow, the potential for us to add value to lives of others, and the potential to change the world around us, will also increase.

I have no ability to predict the future so I have no idea how much Primitive Ego Psychology will change the world. But I am a firm believer that we are meant to offer the universe our gifts and talents and then trust that the universe will do with them what it needs to do with them. We are meant to become all we can become.

I still see my old friends from time to time and I still enjoy reminiscing over the old stories and experiences we shared together from that time in my life; the stories from a time in my life journey when the world I lived in was too small to nourish my dreams.

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